When we think we can't

There have been many times recently that I felt I could not add another thing to do or find the energy to keep going.  I even considered just giving in and staying in the bed but I knew that was silly way of thinking knowing where that would get me.

Somehow I kept finding the energy to get through each day and then this week I realized that I had gotten over the hump or stepped over that imaginary line and leaving behind that burden. I suddenly felt more peaceful and more at ease.  

We live in a small home and this past weekend Charles and I made a big push to flip furniture in the house to make more room in Madge's room so we can fit a recliner in her room. We went from a mixed up puzzle to a most of the pieces put back in place. 

For those that are reading my blog for the first time, Madge a family member that is older than us, recently had a stroke and is now living with us in our home. We have merged pets and people and we are working our way to finding normal. I have had some health issues, surgery, and a unexpected hospitalization since the beginning of this year 2023. 

Many years ago Charles and I started living history studies and lived one year simulating the time we were studying for each year that we were studying. I started blogging about it, we spent several years studying the early 1940s during world war 2.  We dipped into the 1930s a few times but for some reason we always had to cut the great depression study for various reasons so we decided to stop the 1930's studies. 

Just after we started the studies Charles and I removed our television's from our home and we have never wanted to go back to television.  We also removed many modern items and slowly went vintage. We stayed on a budget, got out of debt and started saving for necessary home repairs including paying for a new roof which was done the beginning of this year. 

Madge does enjoy her television shows so our solution is the only television in our home will be in Madge's room.  This past weekend we flipped furniture around to make space in the master bedroom so Madge can have a recliner in her bedroom to rest and watch television. 

Our bedroom is completely different now.

Charles and I have been intrigued with watching Narrowboats on YouTube and have thought how wonderful it would be to live on a narrowboat as some people do in England.  Knowing that we could never do this since we live in the United States and also because we are old, we can now pretend that our tiny bedroom is our narrowboat and we are actually very happy and are settling in our little room.

We decided to put big white furniture in our tiny bedroom leaving only a narrow path around the bed. It is good that we love each other very much, otherwise it could get irritating but we are learning how to step aside as the other goes through.

I still have my dressing corner, just different furniture.

We have added three cat bowls to our three dog bowls with having Madge's three cats here.  It seems odd to keep saying Madge's cats because they live with all of us now.  We call our three dogs our "girls".  Madge's cats are two girls and a boy so I need to come up with a new phrase.

This is Blue, she is so gentle and loving. 

This is Gabby, she is "very" old. We do not know her actual age but she has been old for a very long time. She lets me love on her and brush her daily.  She had large mats because she has stopped grooming herself but she is looking better as I brush her daily and have managed to get most of her mats brushed out by her allowing me to brush and pick my way through. 

 This is Jess.  He is HUGE!  But he is a gentle giant.... He is a cuddle bud.  His eyes are actually very beautiful green, the camera made them look yellow.

What has changed my exhaustion to doing more is I think about how Madge, Gabby, Blue and Jess must feel leaving their home they have lived for so many years. I feel that they now understand this is better because Madge has been declining for several years. She has not had the energy needed to keep her house tidy, make repairs and her cats needs were becoming an issue.  This is why Charles and I turned an old work shed into a tiny house so we could stay up there a few days a week to help her.  We did not figure in a stroke, and that changed everything because she was transferred to our town with larger hospitals and specialists. 

We have been trying to keep things interesting by having fun evening meals a few times a week  For spaghetti night we listened to Italian dining music.  We lit candles and enjoyed our evening.

One morning we ate breakfast on our 1940 railroad plates and we put on background sounds from a dining train car from the 1940s.  You can find such things as this on YouTube.  It sounded like we were inside a train in a dining car with clanking dishes and sounds as if we were in the dining car. Sometimes we can make life more interesting by small simple fun ways of changing things up a bit. 

With my surgery and another stay in the hospital after that, Madge's stroke, many things did not get done and I did not clean our window ledges this past spring.  So I opened the windows for some fresh air this week and found this.

Cleaning our window ledges always makes me feel better.

This way when I open the windows I don't smell dirt and it looks much better. 

These little things do not take long to do.

I have decided that no matter how bad we feel, we must keep trying because giving up just makes it worse for those around us. 

My daughter-in-law gave me this bunny, she is a cheerful greeting for whoever comes through our door.  We have many nurses and therapist coming in and out each week and many have said she is so pretty and cheerful. 

I try to learn something from every challenge or mistake that I make in my life.  I ask myself what did I learn from this? Last week I was less able, my own health challenges are not over but I am taking advantage of the days that are better. 

As long as I can keep the house clean, the laundry and ironing caught up, and meals on the table I will feel better.  My creativity is not as it was yet but this week Elizabeth, Katherine, and Bernadette got baths and Bernadette got groomed and I cut her fur short. There is always something more to do and this coming weekend we will clip their nails.

If you have found yourself in a difficult situation, know that there are always options.  We are not imprisoned in our problems even if it feels this way. If we do nothing time will eventually change something because every day is different. 

Sometimes we have to back away to get a different perspective and often the changes needed are the way we are personally handling the issue. We may need to change our thoughts and shake off those negative emotions and admit that conversation that we are having with ourselves may be keeping us unsettled, frustrated or even angry. If we do not let it go we are not only hurting ourselves but those around us. 

Many times we forget that God is always waiting for us to communicate our happiness, sadness, frustrations and ideas. If you are at a point you think you want to quit or just can't this or that anymore, then pray about it, also go out and hug a large tree, and feel the strength of that tree. Nature comes from God so spend some time with nature, talk to the flowers and birds, you just might find clarity. 

Grandma Donna